Carey Boyd Herringe Memorial
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My Brother, My friend


 

Carey and his girls

My Brother, My friend...

For many the hands of time continue to travel forward, relentlessly unstoppable as a force of their own. Whether it is heard by the ticking of seconds on a watch, the setting of the sun in the evening sky, the coming of a new child or another candle to blow out on a cake; time moves on. The coming of a new season heralds the beginning of new life for many animals who begin their journey into this world. For many they shall live a long fruitful life. If animals hold memories they could share perhaps they would recall their life as cubs in the snow bustling together with their siblings in the long tundra grasses. Perhaps they would recall their time as birds taking their first heart pounding yet thrilling leap from the nest to freedom in the magnificence of the vast blue sky. Perhaps they would recall their undying desire to protect their own and for a brief moment reflect on how proud they silently were when one of their own achieved their first kill. By now I am assuming you are up there right now saying, "yeah, yeah just get to the point".

You left me long before you time. The clock still ticks, the sun still sets and you left without continuing to share in these things with me. We shared so much over the years. But I have learnt there was a side to you that to me was unknown. In your search to find inner peace you came to Christianity. I have spoken many times with your friends. Some I have fought with, some I have admired, but all I have listened to with an open mind. They have spoken about your emotional fragility. They have spoken of your love for your children. They have spoken of how you - yes you, brought them to Christ and through your support and encouragement helped change their lives for the better. It is said you can always measure the success of a man by the number of people at his funeral. For a young man who never realised how very much he was loved you would have been humbled. Your ceremony was packed. People travelled far and wide to say farewell to you. In a sad twist of irony, even those who you pissed off time and time again were there because regardless of how many times you pissed people off, you were so easy to forgive. So very easy to love.

I visted your grave yesterday. It was quiet. I saw your headstone for the first time. And if you can see and hear all things happening down here, you would have seen me standing alone at your site. Your would have seen me pissed off.

BEFORE READING FURTHER THINK FOR A MOMENT IF YOUR CHILD PASSED AWAY - WHAT WOULD YOU WRITE ON HIS HEADSTONE?

As my eyes scanned headstones left to right, and entire rows behind yours I see loving words from loving family's who have lost ones dear to them. Words which stand testament to how truly special their departed loved one was, words like, "Forever in our hearts" , "Never to be forgotten" , "We love you always" and the list goes on and on.

Albeit that your headstone was nicely worded it showed without question the same amount of love you received during your short 32 years here on Earth. Perhpas now readers of your site will begin to see what I have been writing about all this time and understand the sadness in your life.

Typically just as our father didn't give you the love you so badly needed in this world, he couldn't even give it to you in your passing. Instead your headstone written by that fucking cold bastard reads,

Carey Boyd Herringe

DOB etc

Loving Father, Son, Brother, friend.

And a verse from John.

At least they acknowledged that you were loving. But where is the display of love from this complete fuck up of a man? Where is the acknowledgement of his pride in his son? His loss? It is simply nowhere. And for those of you who think I am being over the top let me say this. The bastard even put plastic flowers at Carey's grave from the Hot Dollar shop costing $5.50 per crappy bouquet. I know this because the flowers had the price tags still on them. I removed the flowers and put real ones there in their place. How soon are we forgotten as children by a narcissistic asshole, it seems evident as soon as the dirt covers our coffin.

Carey I am so sorry I can't do anything about your gravestone. I am sorry that I didn't pay for the burial myself rather than have the other side force their rotting diseased way on last time into controlling you. I am sorry for you not seeing how many people did love you. I am sorry for so many things. I know you knew I loved you but you needed Dad's love and I understand. I am sorry the old mother fucker didn't give it to you. I promised I would stand by you and I will and have and shall continue. Your loss has hurt me deeper than even I could have ever begun to imagine. Your absense wells my eyes with tears daily. I hear your voice but know it is just distant memories echoing in the emptiness of my heart. If there is a life after this world I hope we are reunited we have so much still to do. So many things to talk about, so many things left unfinished, so many pages yet to turn. Those we can do together because if there is a life after this world, I promise when I am there with you, never alone again shall you feel as I will be there with you no matter what.

For readers of this page note these words. His Sisters have all but betrayed his memory. C*****e and D*****e, you both have agreed how vicious and cruel Dad was to Carey and I. You both have acknowledged without hestiation to me in many conversations how you remember everything yet when I ask you to come forward you shut me out completely. What more does it take for you to stand up for what is right? Dad hurt you both emotionally and physically for years. Our brother is now dead and you honour his memory with silence. I pity you for like Carey he has brain washed you into feeling you must have his love or acknowledgement. I could not invite that man to my Christmas lunch just as I could not invite Hitler himself. For he is without conscience, without soul, without love. He sucks all emotion from those around him to glorify himself and bathe in the enjoyment of watching sibling fight sibling for his own attention and affection of which he limited ever so cautiously to ensure you always need more.

Carey, My brother deserved and still deserves respect. I will curse the very path of any person who does not give him dignity in his death. I will spit in the face of any person who denies how truly amazing he was despite his faults. Like Christ said, " Let he who is sinless cast the first stone." Well I say this to you Colin Herringe just as I said when I found out you were drip feeding him pethidine to control him, YOU ARE FULL OF SIN and I hope on your day of judgement Christ is more forgiving than I. You cost me one of the truest friends a person could ever know. You cost a lot of people their best friend. You cost a mother her son, and brothers and sisters their brother. You are a disgrace of a parent, a disgrace of a human being and like the Nazi bastards before you I hope you rot in the type of grave you deserve, an unmarked one. As for me forgiving you, you need to show remorse first and that you won't do. You need to ask for my forgiveness, and that you won't do so. So fortunately for me I will never have to forgive you - which suits me fine. You have caused a crack in my heart which is unrepairable and I don't see anything humanly you could do to fix that other than hurry up and die.

One last thing before I sign off for today, on your birthday ... I hope that the others in our family don't leave plastic flowers at your gravesite today. I hope they show you some respect and leave you real flowers. I hope they shed a tear and remember you. I hope their thoughts are ones of love and fond memories of my brother who could light up the world with his smile and mend a broken heart with his care and sincerity.

Thank you for being my brother and the truest of friends ...

 


 


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